Why is Her Partner Password Protected?

Geplaatst op 31-07-2025

I’m having a privacy vs. secrecy issue with my fiancee. We’ve been living together for 8 months and just got engaged. Do you think its right of me to want to have access to his personal email account? I know its such a gray area. Most married couples I’ve spoken to have access to each other’s accounts, though they don’t snoop out of respect. but there is also no apparent secrecy between them. I can’t even use his Black Berry bc he has a password on it due to email access. I don’t have any reason to think that he is cheating or anything, but its becoming hard to accept that I’m marrying a guy who wants to keep such a major part of his life a secret. Even if he is not doing anything wrong, it makes it seem like he is. Thanks. |Age: 32

People need to have some things that are just for them. They have to. It doesn’t mean they are hiding something or up to no good. He doesn’t want you to see the porn his friends sends him, or the emails from exes who check in “just to say hi” that he has no intention of ever seeing again. We all need that place where we go where we can be who we are without having to answer questions or be made to feel wrong or foolish. We need to have something that’s just for us so we don’t feel completely suffocated. I’m sure you can understand that.

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Maybe it’s me, but I’m seeing more and more people pay closer attention to their privacy. Facebook pages are shut down to select groups. Tweets are protected. Far less Foursquaring or letting everyone know you’re not at home and are open to being robbed. People are creating separate email accounts for their online dating profiles just so nobody can trace their address and find their social networks. And…people are even setting up Google Talk accounts or not giving their phone number out at all because someone can go to an online website, type in their number, and find out their real name.

How about the people that you meet online, exchange one photo or a couple emails, but decide there’s no attraction or interest who continue to email you over and over again for literally months? Yeah, that’s a good reason not to use your primary email address for online dating. In general, I think more people are aware of how vulnerable they make themselves by creating a digital or mobile trail.

Just because your guy won’t or hasn’t given you his password doesn’t necessarily mean he’s keeping secrets.Or maybe he is…just not his. He could have communications from clients on his phone or computer, or friends or even family. I lock my phone because I don’t want to send butt calls to people when I’m out and about. And because I don’t want just anybody looking through my phone. It’s not that I have anything to hide. I just don’t like people – strangers or not – pawing through my pantie drawer. The fact is that even the most innocent of messages or texts can be construed as shady depending on the timing and context.

When a man doesn’t automatically reveal things to us, it doesn’t mean he’s leading some secret life. We, as women, find sharing common and easy. It’s how we build our friendships. Men don’t really think that way. They are a bit more cautious. Not because they don’t trust us but because, I think, they don’t like feeling pressured in to giving up too much control.

If there’s other behaviors that have you concerned, like a change in lifestyle or defensive reactions to request for access to his laptop, then I’d be more concerned. But if he just doesn’t want to give out his password and everything else seems “normal” then I wouldn’t be too concerned. And remember…just because he won’t give you the password now doesn’t mean he never will.